ShaViva's Stargate Fan ... Stuff

Inconceivable!

When You Come Back Down

Author: ShaViva

Rating: K

Season: season 5, after Search and Rescue but before The Seed.

Summary: After the events of Fortunate Journey Season 4, Sheppard reflects on the need to let Sabina return to active duty.

Classifications: Romance

Pairings: John and Sabina Sheppard

Spoilers for: previous stories in the Fortunate Journey series!

Disclaimer: I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises, which is obvious because SGA would still be on! All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. Any original characters, plot, settings, and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2011 ShaViva

Authors Note:

Answer to Penelope the Perky Penguin's song challenge on fanfiction.net. It follows on directly from Fortunate Journey Season 4. The song is 'When you come back down' by Nickel Creek.

oOo 

When You Come Back Down - John's Point Of View

I knew it was time. Sabina was fully recovered from her ordeal on Michael's ship ... hell, she'd even submitted willingly to talking to the base psychologist about the whole thing, not like her at all. She wanted to get back to off world duty and although a large part of me wanted to say no – the part that had suffered through too many weeks of wondering if she was even alive – the larger, more rational part knew I couldn't hold her back.

I had to give her my support.

She was in her lab but instead of working her gaze was directed to the view of the ocean outside. Her expression was wistful, in a good way ... like she was thinking about something that pleased her greatly. Since we were still buzzing over the news that Sabina was pregnant I decided with uncharacteristic whimsy that she was thinking about the little boy who'd be ours in just six months. I stopped, content to watch my wife daydream about a future that was full of promise. Music floated from her computer, a new song starting. As I watched her I listened, the lyrics impacting unexpectedly.

"You got to leave me now.
You got to go alone.
You got to chase a dream,
one that's all your own
before it slips away."

That was Sabina, always so full of purpose, so determined to make her way in the world. And okay, she wasn't going out there alone – Lorne had plenty of his own emotion to drive his protective instincts – but she wouldn't be with me. I'd always struggled with not being there when she was off world. Now it wasn't just her I had to worry about and the struggle was all the greater.

"When you're flyin' high
take my heart along.
I'll be the harmony
to every lonely song
that you'll learn to play.

And when you're soaring through the air,
I'll be your solid ground.
Take every chance you dare.
I'll still be there,
when you come back down...
when you come back down."

She had my heart and the entire city knew it - she was my solid ground. Hard to hide that fact when I'd all but had a meltdown in the control room in the days after she and Teyla had disappeared, when I'd gone to get her off that Hive ship with an injury so bad I'd barely been able to stand straight. I didn't want her taking chances, not without me there to back her up.

"I keep lookin' up
awaitin' your return.
My greatest fear will be
that you will crash and burn,
and I won't feel your fire."

Was it just a coincidence that Sabina was playing this particular song, right now, when I'd resolved to be the adult, to step up and 'do the right thing'? Because those lyrics cut through me, sending a dizzying film clip through my head - all the times I'd come too close to losing her. On the floor of the Wraith weapons room, already pronounced dead by Carson, her soul trapped in the Ancient device. Escaped from a Wraith queen, out of her head with confusion, in a Dart too far from home. Rematerialising in Lorne's arms, so pale and still I can vividly recall the way my heart stuttered.

"I'll be the other hand
that always holds the line
connected in between
your sweet heart and mine.
I'm strung out on that wire."

But was I any better? No, we were matched, somehow only finding each other a galaxy away from Earth. I'd never believed in fate before but Sabina and I shouldn't have met – the odds were ... almost infinitely small. And yet we had, because I sat in that chair and Sabina snuck onto the base the only day it could have mattered.

"And I'll be on the other end
to hear you when you call.
Angel you were born to fly
and if you get too high,
I'll catch you when you fall...
catch you when you fall."

Born to fly, to throw herself so far into the mix sometimes she struggled to find her way out again. Sabina would deny it – hell, anyone who'd known me in the past would scoff in disbelief - but I was the voice of reason, the one to remind her of the consequences. It had been a while since I'd worked out that all I could do was make sure Sabina had every advantage – the best team and whatever skills I could teach her.

"Your memory is the sunshine
every new day brings.
I know the sky is calling.
Angel let me help you with your wings."

That spurred me on. With a deep breath, I stepped forward, drawing her attention. She smiled, her brown eyes glowing with the emotion her daydreams had wrought.

"John," she said, holding out a hand to me.

"Nice song," I commented, moving forward. Pulling her to her feet I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the sudden need to hold on tightly. I felt that connection, the one that had been there since my eyes had locked with hers that first day on Atlantis and I'd known my life was forever changed.

"Are you okay?" she asked after a few moments of just letting me cling to her.

"Not really," I admitted. "But I'll say it anyway. It's time you returned to active duty. Lorne's been in my office almost every day, requesting his team be put back into the roster."

"And that worries you ... because of the baby?" Sabina asked carefully.

"Because I love you," I said simply.

She smiled, understanding immediately. Because loving her was the reason ... for everything. It came with a large slice of downside, the ever present fear of loss. But as I urged her closer, kissing her deeply, I was reminded again that the upside more than compensated.

"And when you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground.
Take every chance you dare.
I'll still be there
when you come back down...
when you come back down."

The End!

 

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